Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
