If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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