your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
