I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
