i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
