that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
