Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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