We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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