So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
