dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize