she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
