It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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