Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
