sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize