Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
