Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
