Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
