so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
