I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
