All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
