why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Alive.
So much puke
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
