so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Too much gin, very little bucket
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
