I wish my penis had an off switch
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
