"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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