but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
