So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
