To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
