I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize