remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Welp...herpes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
