is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize