i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a search helicopter?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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