and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
