clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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