He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize