Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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