And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
