You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
