The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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