I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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