Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
