he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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