I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
