Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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