Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
