I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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