There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
