she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
