Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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