I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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