I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
