I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
