singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
