I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
