I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
