to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
