I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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