ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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