you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
