Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I look better un-naked...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
