Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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