Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
