So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
