Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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