life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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