What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
