she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
