She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
