We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
