So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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