It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
