i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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