I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
