what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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