i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
