i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
