Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
