Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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