My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
