She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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