I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize