i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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