All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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