Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize