You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
