just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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