I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
