dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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