Can Purell be used as lube?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
