if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
