I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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