Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
