I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
