I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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