susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
