weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
