That's intense
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
