And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
