I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
