i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
