2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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